I Am Better Than That

I am better than what I’ve let myself become.

You know, that’s a hard pill to swallow but I said it to myself in the shower the other night.

I am better than what I’ve let myself become.

The other night, I swear, I had one of those “come to Jesus” moments. I wasn’t even expecting it. I’ve had to be honest with myself, something I hadn’t been in a long time and truly admit that I’m not happy and that the funk and depression that I’ve fallen into is my own doing. That the negativity I’ve been clinging to is damaging my essence. It’s stealing my joy.

And that shit stops today.

I’ve always been the type of person who knows the right thing to say. I can verbally acknowledge my faults and weaknesses. I’m an expert at “I’m working on it” and having everyone around me believe that it’s true when in reality, I haven’t made a single move to “work on it”

No one I know internalizes shit the way I do. I’ve been doing it for years. Now I see that my hurt, disappointment, sadness, and heartbreak is truly destroying me from the inside out.

It’s a new day. I have to stop saying I’m fine and actually BE fine. I have to stop saying I’m working on it and do it.

“Do or Do Not. There is no TRY.”

So what I’m going to do is move on. Move on from the betrayal, move on from the shadiness, move out of the negative space I’ve been paying rent in.

It’s time to get my own shit together and forget about what everyone else is doing. I’ll never let someone make me feel like I’m not good enough again. I let the actions of one person make me doubt my talent as an author. Made doubt the gift that I’ve been given because they didn’t recognize it.
For over a year, I’ve let that insecurity occupy space in my head. No more. Instead of saying “I’m just going to chalk that up as a learning experience” let’s just go ahead and do that, shall we?

I prayed long and hard for months before I decided to quit my job and pursue my career as a full time author. Writing is my calling. This is the gift God has given me and it is what I was born to do.

I don’t have any competition in this industry. That might sound very arrogant, but it is true. I’m a damn good author and there is no competition. What I do have is peers in this industry. Authors who are just as talented and gifted as me who I wish success on like I do myself. Authors who I choose to respect and support because I appreciate their gift.

I’m not writing for a temporary spot on some Bestseller list. I’m writing for longevity and satisfaction. I’m writing knowing I put nothing but my best work out there because that is what I was born to do and that is my one true calling.

I’m not going to let anything bring me down anymore. Not my writing, not my weight, my thinning hair or my health. I’m above all of this negativity.

It’s time to take back my joy and happiness. To reclaim my love and confidence. It’s not about them. It’s about me, honey, I AM FIERCE!

nene-fierce

 

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